


You Know The Rules And So Do I

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [78]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Board Games, Fluff, M/M, POV Third Person Omniscient, Party Games, Pre-Slash, Unresolved Romantic Tension, all's fair in love and twister, it's basically Twister with a different name, underhanded tactics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 04:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20058280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Perry should have expected this. After all, Heinz always trapped himsomehow. Should have, but didn't.





	You Know The Rules And So Do I

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Twister](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283079) by [revenblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue). 

> I have now been in this fandom for three years, give or take a few days, time for a rewrite of my first posted fic in it.

On a day that at least started out like most others, one Perry the Platypus kicked down the door to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. And stopped, foot still raised, with the expression of one who had expected nothing and was still disappointed. Of all the things his nemesis could have planned...

"Do you like it?" the nemesis in question said, grinning the grin of those with a few screws loose. A familiar, and fitting, expression. "I thought we could play together!"

It was times like this when Perry almost wished he could talk and be understood. Mostly, for reasons soon to be patently obvious, so he could ask one Heinz Doofenshmirtz what the _fuck_ he was thinking.

Contortion, of all games.

Perry the Platypus, Agent P of the O.W.C.A., may have been capable of athletic feats of strength on a regular basis, but he wasn't anywhere near _stretchy_. Nor was he human-sized like those the game had been designed for. Not even close. What he _was_ was the perfect height to punch his nemesis in the kneecaps if he wanted to.

Instead of this more rational option, he rolled his eyes and stepped forward in resigned agreement. How could he resist Heinz's pout? This man had a pout that could melt even the hardest hearts. Or, at the very least, Perry's.

Of course, being a career Good Guy didn't mean he always had to play fair. It had to be in OWCA's bylaws somewhere. If he bothered to ask, Heinz could almost certainly find where.

But why would he, in the middle of a nice human board game? Shamelessly nudging his nemesis, he toppled the man's precarious balance yet again.

"Okay, Perry the Cheaterpus, I _know_ you did that on purpose," Heinz grumbled from where he lay slumped on the game mat, no force behind the words. One thing that had been made abundantly clear by this point was how much they both enjoyed their fights, even with Perry's tendency towards underhanded tactics.

Perry chirred, feigning innocence in the way of small furry animals everywhere, like a kitten caught beside its own mess. Maybe he wouldn't _have_ to cheat if Heinz didn't keep laughing at his failures to stretch far enough, he thought to himself.

Not that he'd expected any less from Heinz, what with the man claiming to be _Evil_ and all. Albeit a petty Evil. An Evil concerned only with revenge for minor slights, rather than anything truly destructive. Perry could appreciate that. Made his job easier. And, deep down, it was good for Heinz to have a hobby. Perry wouldn't _show_ it, he had a reputation to uphold, but he'd actually grown quite fond of the man.

Even if Heinz's choice of party games could do with some work, he decided, upon it being his turn again.

Green circle. He just had to stretch a little bit further, the green circle's edge barely behind the tips of his fingers... and a bony finger "accidentally" jabbed him in the side. As expected for the situation he'd found himself in, he fell over.

Heinz, balanced precariously above him, laughed. "You should have seen your face!"

Said face being an expression of complete and utter indignation, the face of a cat who's just been caught doing something so indignified as falling off a shelf. The action to go _with_ said face was a shove at Heinz's other arm, the one supporting his weight. As a result, one surprisingly heavy man fell on top of an increasingly surprised platypus.

Perry should have expected this. After all, Heinz always trapped him _somehow_. Should have, but didn't.

After getting himsellf some room to breathe, via the traditional method of shoving and kicking his way out into open air, Perry looked up into his nemesis's face. He didn't have far to look.

It was only by chance that they weren't touching already, Heinz's long nose and Perry's long bill.

Heinz blinked, cheeks tinged ever so slightly pink. "Ah, Perry the Platypus, I'm just going to, uh..." Shuffling back, he sat up, freeing the platypus. "Do _that_. That's what I'm going to do, and I've done it, can we pretend that never happened?" He rubbed at the back of his neck, looking everywhere but at his nemesis.

A nemesis who lay winded, flat on his back, still regaining feeling in his lungs. Mostly the feeling of pain. Sitting up with a pained grimace, Perry made a show of considering this offer. Forgetting such an embarrassment had ever occurred _was_ a tempting offer...

He smirked and shook his head. More fun to get some blackmail material out of it. Surely Heinz wouldn't want it to be known he played _Contortion_.

The pout Heinz gave him was everything he'd expected and more.

Just like that, the game was over. Perry had thwarted his nemesis's scheme, albeit a non-traditional thwarting for a non-traditional scheme, so his sense of duty compelled him to leave. Staying any longer would be flirting with, well, _flirting_. After flirting would come dinner, then marriage, then hanging up his hat to raise pups with Heinz. How Heinz would acquire the pups, he had no idea, but the man would almost certainly find a way. He couldn't risk it.

With effort, Perry stood and brushed off his fur, turning his back on his nemesis. His jetpack lay by the edge of the balcony, waiting for him to shrug the straps on and fire it up. The thing could take him across the city in mere minutes, with enough precision that he could land back in his chair afterwards to work on his report.

A thought lurking at the back of his mind stopped him from doing just that. Surely it was rude to thwart-and-run. He couldn't do that to Heinz, not any more.

And there was the matter of all the things they'd left unsaid up until this point, afraid of what might change. But not today. Feeling daring, Perry turned back to Heinz, winked, then jumped backwards off the balcony.

Meanwhile, _on_ the balcony, Heinz let himself fall back, thoroughly thwarted. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" he screamed to the sky, a fond grin on his face.

His voice rang through the air, cutting through the roar of Perry's jetpack, and Perry smiled to himself. All in all, it had been an enjoyable low-stakes day, thwarting his nemesis in board games. One he wouldn't mind repeating someday soon. But, he decided as he flew over the city and back to the house in the suburbs he called _home_, next time _he'd_ choose the game.

Anything to not be a Contortionist.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Never Gonna Give You Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) by Rick Astley. You expected anything else from me? :P


End file.
